The job-seeking stoner’s dreams all come true

The list of required job skills was extensive, but I got distracted by my lava lamp so I’m not sure what they are

As many jurisdictions in North America move towards the legalization of recreational marijuana use, it was inevitable that the corporate hand of legitimacy would find a way to take all the fun out of what used to be an illegal if comparatively innocent indulgence.

Like many millions of people unhappy working for ‘the man,’ I receive daily alerts in my email from Indeed – both the American (.com) and Canadian (.ca) versions of the job-seeking site. Being self-employed, I happen to think ‘the man’ is, like, a decent enough guy but I still find him to be totally bogus and a real bummer most of the time.

Last week, for the first time, I was rather surprised to see the words “marijuana” and “cannabis” in a few of the selected positions sent to me.

Forced to scratch my head, I wondered what it was about my profile that had a computer program identify my life experience and skills as being a perfect fit for this burgeoning industry.

I thought perhaps some of the keywords in my resumé had unintentionally popped and been flagged. True, I had once been a blackjack dealer and I had experience in the criminal law field. As a lawyer, I had a reputation for not being afraid to stir the pot and being a best bud to my clients. I likewise emphasized that I always took the high road and was willing to grow into a new role.

A company in Boulder, Colo., called simply enough The Farm (gosh, I like them already) is looking for a “Cannabis Harvester” which is pretty self-explanatory. I find it especially conscientious of them to warn in their notice that work “may leave you smelling like cannabis at the end of the day.”

There are so many stoners out there who can now rejoice at being able to deflect any attention from judgmental and pious meddlers who comment on their reefer reek by firing back, “Buzz off! I have a job!”

The best part is that The Farm demands that their ideal candidate “stays focused and on task.” There were many more desired skills listed but I got distracted by my lava lamp so I’m not sure what they are.

In Canada, there are a lot of jobs advertised for a “budtender.” I didn’t know such a person existed but I’m guessing it’s a cross between a barista and an old-fashioned bartender. Most of these jobs are in anything-goes B.C. – no surprise there – but perennial stick-in-the mud Ontario also appears to be a promising dark horse. A company in Hamilton writes that “knowledge of marijuana strains and products [is] an asset [but that] (further training will be provided).”

I have to believe that this training (please let it be hands-on) beats the heck out of any legal seminars I’ve attended on easements or riparian water rights.

In case I was in any way wavering, Weeds Glass and Gifts in Vancouver tries to entice by announcing with trumpets, “Do you want to become a part of history in the making? Come join the Weeds team!”

Bro, I’m so there.

My personal marijuana experience is woefully slim but I could probably make my past light up if I tried. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize my chances to be named to the Supreme Court (either Canada or the U.S. would be fine) by admitting publicly any marijuana use. And yeah, for the record, that would be the only thing standing between me and the highest bench.

But I did have this friend as a youth, his name was … Bill. Yeah, Bill. When this completely real and not made up friend was working the graveyard shift at a Petro-Canada gas station as a kid, he fell under the influence and succumbed to the peer pressure of his always holding Grade 12 co-worker and sampled the potent mary jane one morning at sunrise.

Both boys would have been so weirded out to learn that their secret and illicit toking could – these many years later – actually serve to make them more employable in the new and completely awesome industry on the way, instead of getting them fired on the spot as would have been the case back then.

Irony, dude. Pass the Doritos.

Troy Media columnist Gavin MacFadyen is a Canada-raised, U.S.-based writer. Blending insight and wit, he brings a unique perspective to the issues of the day.


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