Stop spoiling sniveling, self-important millennials

It is astonishing the almost universal indulgence they are enjoying

NEW YORK May 13, 2016/ Troy Media/ – All those tired of hearing about the particular wants and needs of the generation known as the millennials please raise their hands.

Aha! I thought so.

I knew there had to be many others out there who are teetering on the edge of exasperation at the overload of articles and news segments on the very important needs of this generation. What’s more, those needs are enumerated as if no other group of people in human history ever thought or wanted the exact same thing.

Millennials “care about what their skin looks like” reveals Estée Lauder CEO Fabrizio Freda to the Wall Street Journal. Now, to the rest of us Gen X and baby boomer lizards, who barely bother to dress when we leave the house, this comes as a shock. Wait, no it doesn’t because we care, too.

I make an open plea to the handful of news organizations and the exactly four newspapers left in the world: Please stop.

Millennials are defined roughly as those born between the dates of 1985 and March in the year of who the hell cares (actually 2004). This means the oldest of them are just coming out of their 20s and the youngest are about 12.

Granted, this is a demographic that is annoying anyway. Even the Ancient Egyptians and Romans probably rolled their eyes at their usual squawks and thought, “Oh, God(s)! Them again?”

What astonishes me is the almost universal indulgence they are enjoying. Whether it is in their education or job requirements, their habits, wants and desires, it seems that corporations, institutions and governments are bending over backwards to accommodate every whim from this sniveling, self-important and both snotty and snooty generation.

Time magazine describes a new college application which will allow prospective millennial students to use “personal videos, digital portfolios and even comic strips” to showcase who they really are. This will eventually replace or augment a written, personal statement. This is done because it has been discovered that writing is, ya know, kinda sorta hard and therefore a total bummer.

The major movie chain AMC actually considered designating certain screens within their empire as text-friendly environments. The idea was to create an environment where millennials would feel free to be annoying. Luckily, the consideration of this lunacy lasted a grand total of 24 hours before the idea was squashed as everyone in the boardroom either sobered up or a baby boomer boss got involved. Not sure which.

A recent Wall Street Journal feature story ran under the headline [popup url=”″ height=”1000″ width=”1000″ scrollbars=”1″]Millennial Employees Confound Wall Street[/popup]. The problem seems to be two-fold. On one hand, the young workers are finding that actual work is rather a chore. The article describes Steve Wu quitting an investment back because he couldn’t take “the drudgery – the amount of trivial work that got passed on to entry-level bankers.”

More to the story: [popup url=”” height=”1000″ width=”1000″ scrollbars=”1″]Recruiters shy away from hiring Millennials[/popup] by Al Smith

One associate at J.P Morgan – an aspiring banker – was depressed because months would pass with no excitement. “Same spreadsheets, same pricing models, same slides,” he said.

Now, I don’t know about you but if there’s one thing I want in those charged with safeguarding the financial system – and by extension the living standard of Western civilization – it is an ever-changing model of fun, thrills and innovation. If that’s what it takes for them to keep from being bored at work – sign me up.

I absolutely love the second problem described. It comes from the senior bankers themselves. These apparent geezers and dinosaurs “hated the fact the young people constantly wore headphones, preventing them from hearing instructions shouted across the trading floor.” Their frustration is summed up in a particularly on point quote – “those damn earbuds!”

Indeed. I actually think I might want that on my tombstone.

Now that I have taken on an entire younger generation, I have never felt so old in my life. Excuse me while I hitch up my pants and go tell someone (probably a millennial) to get off my lawn.

Troy Media columnist Gavin MacFadyen is a Canadian writer and lawyer living in New York state. Gavin is also included in Troy Media’s Unlimited Access subscription plan.

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