Don’t let self-doubt stop you from taking the chances you’ll later wish you’d taken

Have you ever talked yourself out of doing something you really wanted to do?

Maybe it was applying for a job, joining a club, taking a course or simply speaking up in a meeting. You started out excited, but before long that familiar voice in your head took over.

What if I fail?
I’m probably not good enough.
Someone else could do it better.

If you’re like most people, you’ve heard those thoughts more than once. I know I have.

For years, I assumed confident people simply didn’t think that way. Then I started paying closer attention to the people I admired. They had doubts just like everyone else. They simply didn’t let those doubts call the shots.

That one realization changed a lot for me. Just because I think something doesn’t make it true.

Have you ever noticed how one critical comment can stay with you all day while five compliments disappear almost immediately? Most of us have. Our minds are trying to protect us. That’s a good thing until they start seeing danger where there really isn’t any.

Now, when that critical voice starts talking, I don’t argue with it and I don’t automatically believe it either. I’ve learned to stop for a moment and ask myself whether I’m being fair. Is there any real evidence this thought is true? Or am I letting fear get the better of me? And if a friend came to me feeling this way, what would I tell them?

Those questions don’t make my doubts disappear. But they do remind me not to mistake a thought for the truth.

If I’m still convinced the thought is true, I write it down and leave it until tomorrow. Looking at it the next day often tells a different story. If you’ve never tried it, give it a try the next time you’re tempted to make a decision based entirely on how you feel.

Most of us would never tell a friend they were a failure because they made one mistake. We’d encourage them to learn from it and keep going. Yet many of us say things to ourselves that we’d never dream of saying to someone we care about.

Now, whenever I hear myself saying “I always” or “I never,” I know frustration has probably taken over. That’s when I stop and ask myself one simple question: “What can I learn from this?”

Confidence turned out to teach me the same lesson. For a long time, I believed confidence came first. Looking back, I can see I had it backwards. I kept telling myself I needed more confidence before I could begin. I was wrong.

Think about learning to drive or starting a new job. None of us felt confident on the first day. Confidence came because we started anyway.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve put something off because I was convinced I wasn’t ready, only to wonder later why I’d waited so long.

That’s why I no longer wait until I feel ready. When something feels overwhelming, I promise myself I’ll work on it for just 10 minutes. Most of the time, once I’ve started, I keep going.

If there’s something you’ve been putting off, try giving it just 10 minutes today. You don’t have to finish. You just have to begin.

I’ve caught myself doing the same thing with comparison.

Social media makes it easy to think everyone else has life figured out. Before long, I’ve convinced myself they’re happier or more successful than I am.

Do I know the whole story?

Usually, no.

Sometimes I read a chapter of a book. Sometimes I go for a walk or call a friend. Sometimes I finally cross something off my to-do list. Whatever it is, I almost always feel better for having done something instead of continuing to scroll.

The longer I live, the more I’ve learned not to fear every negative thought. Some deserve our attention because they’re trying to tell us something. Most don’t.

Learning the difference has saved me a lot of unnecessary worry.

Our thoughts deserve to be heard, but I no longer let them run my life. We don’t get to choose every thought that pops into our heads. We do get to choose whether we let them make our decisions.

Before you go to bed tonight, try something I’ve found surprisingly helpful. Write down one thing you handled well today, one thing you learned and one small step you’ll take tomorrow. Keep it up for a week if you can.

Then go back and read what you’ve written.

The next time your mind tells you you’re getting nowhere, don’t argue with it. Open your notebook instead. You’ll have something much more reliable than your memory. You’ll have proof that you’ve been making progress, even on the days it didn’t feel that way.

After all, we’ll all have doubts. I certainly do. The difference is that I no longer assume they’re telling me the truth.

That hasn’t made my doubts disappear. I don’t suppose it ever will. But it has stopped them from making my decisions.

For me, that’s made all the difference.

Faith Wood is a professional speaker, author, and certified professional behaviour analyst. Before her career in speaking and writing, she served in law enforcement, which gave her a unique perspective on human behaviour and motivations. Faith is also known for her work as a novelist, with a focus on thrillers and suspense. Her background in law enforcement and understanding of human behaviour often play a significant role in her writing.